so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
