i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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