What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
