Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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