Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
