So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
