Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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