I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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