Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
