mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
