Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
