You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
