it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
