before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
