sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they need to just BURY HIM!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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