You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
