So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
