My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you never un-have a 4some
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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