I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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