Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
