I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
