Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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