I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
