It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
