In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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