dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
