i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
