I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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