new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
