Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
