Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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