Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
