i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
