So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
