You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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