oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have tasted many bathrooms
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
