Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
