Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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