i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
BRING THE BAGELS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
