I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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