I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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