I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
