i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
