She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
