I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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