My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
