Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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