It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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