I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
