The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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