Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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