Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
