That's when you crack a 10am beer
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
