do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
