the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
