I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
