I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
